A.A.A. not very old country but with a noble past for free, a real bargain!
The new owner/dictator/king/prime minister (there is no difference in Italy) will benefit from the following advantages:
You can do your business and exploit the country like all prime ministers have the right to do! … Well, this is what politicians have always done here, so everybody assumes it is correct… What has always happened, has the right to be eternal, because things are right so, and never change! This is one of the law of God we respect mostly! It is fair, is it not? Then you can kick us in the arse, you can morally sodomize us: we will accept it with a smile on the face… We are used to it: politicians have being exploiting us for ages and we have being offering no reaction in the last centuries, so we are extremely keen in accepting, or better, fomenting harassments… We will surprise you! You do not have a clue how mean and disgusting we are.
If you have an enemy and you want to get rid of him, well, this is the right country for you! You can find very skilled and professional referents for eliminating the “problem”. Considering your position and the self-explanatory needs of privacy (please, pronounce it in the right Italian way: prai-va-si) you can deal with some political intermediaries who can offer you some good services for getting in contact with one of the variety of criminal organisations we have. We are plenty of them, in accordance with the most modern and European concepts of liberalism and competency. God only knows why the EU still claims we are not a liberal country… there are a lot of prejudices over there, you know…
We can offer you a lot of Privacy (we love privacy, but please, be aware again we pronounce it prai-va-si, because English people pronounce it in the wrong way!), loads of Authorities (not sure what they are, and what they are for apart from hiring hundreds of people and offering politicians other power – also for blackmailing lobbies and other parties – and huge wages, but we are plenty of them!) and if you like it, you can get all the par condicio you need (you need par condicio, I am sure you do, because nobody can live without it!)! Be aware of the fact we still have very profound values: a woman better gets married in a church wearing a white dress, we do not eat meat the night before Christmas, etc. We are very much a serious country!
Some extra information follows:
We are great sportsmen: we can crawl on the floor and leak anybody’s shoes like nobody on this planet. No dignity, no spine, no nothing: we are ideal for anybody who feels like abusing a population!
Moreover, when you will be here, you will notice we lead any event, conversation or fact back to a mere juxtaposition between right-wing and left-wing, between Fascism and Communism. It is quite surprising for us to see that other countries do not notice the evidence that ANYTHING happens because of either the fascists or the communists. We are the smartest country on the globe, and we are extremely proud of it!
Foreign movies in Italy are dubbed, because it is already a miracle we can understand spoken Italian: how do you dare thinking we can learn reading (the subtitles) or even learn a foreign language! You must be joking! We have so much to do that we cannot waste our precious time with this nonsense! Moreover in Italy we have so many important and international languages (Venetian, Napulitano, Bresciano, Calabrese, Bergamasco, etc.) that we cannot get bothered with learning English. On top of it, you are probably aware of the fact that Napulitano and Bergamasco are among the most spoken languages in the world, that is why we are the best businessmen on Earth, and we are really proud of it! BTW, please note this letter was translated into English with Google.it, of course just another great Italian invention!
One note on the local religion: we say we are a secular country, but in reality the Church of Rome rules everybody’s life. Its religion (used like a hammer to smash our freedom and intelligence) is called Catholicism, you probably heard about it. They say it is the leading, the true Christian belief, but it looks (and its believers behave) much more it were a satanic sect rather than anything connected with Christ’s teachings. But it is fine with us: anything that has to do with abuses is good stuff… WE have being worshipping the Vatican for centuries, and learned to accept, without flinching, the ruling of Americans in this country.
We ask you just one thing: please, let us keep on playing with the stock exchange market. It is so pleasant when banks and financial institutions steal our money! It is part of our D.N.A. to steal, to bribe. Moral prostitution and hypocrisy are our mottoes! Believe me, it can be a great investment for you! If you have some spare money you can invest them in one of our banks: just 10% costs of the investment for opening the account but you get an attracting rate of 0,0002% every 5 years! But then, of course, for our services and thick counselling you owe us a mere 12% of your money per month… It is impossible to say no to those amazing offers!
I am sure you cannot say no to this amazing offer! Do not hesitate: contact the U.S.A. Embassy in Rome or directly the Vatican for further details! Come over! This is the European Florida! And we have good ice cream and beautiful girls!